The last five weeks with Mum in hospital has been full of mixed emotions. I have felt everything from fear, weary, scared, anxious, worry, joy,exhaustion and no doubt a few others that I can not remember.
I have always been quite close to my Mum, We have often during the course of a week experienced a variety of conversations. From the long to the quick and snippy plus emails.Regardless of that, I always forget to mention something and I have a “Mum list” in my notebook!
For much of the last five weeks, Mum has been unable to be bothered to talk on her mobile. She is hopeless at texts so we have managed with a few brief conversations. I miss our usual routine of chatter. About a week or so ago I heard Mum ask one of the nurses who was looking after her if her Mum was alive. The nurse replied that her mother was. I thought it was just curiosity; and perhaps it was. Then Mum said, that her Mum had died 16 years ago and that she missed her everyday.
I sat with Mum as she drifted off to sleep and pondered with the realisation that I always pick up the phone and chat with Mum. The regular mother and daughter conversations and much more. Now I was suddenly aware that Mum no longer has that with my Grandmother and I guess that no matter how old you are, we all want our Mum’s (or our equivalent) when things are tough. That basic instinct to return to the safe and secure.
How many of us though, take our Mum’s for granted? How many times have I thought in the last few weeks, “oh Mum will know that”. A question I have been forced to contemplate, somewhat reluctantly is, what about when Mum is no longer able to be asked? It is a sobering and depressing thought and yet somewhat inevitable at some point.
What I have shared with Mum over the last few weeks is comments, thoughts and good wishes sent to Mum from friends and family across the globe. Much of it thanks to social media. I shared the fact that some friends have mentioned Mum in prayers and some people have lit candles for her. It raised a smile when she responded with the question of was it greedy if the prayers and candles continued? I reassured her it was not!
Mum and I, along with my husband have been truly touched with the wishes, prayers, candles and messages. It has meant a great deal to us.
We can not thank you enough.